Digithoughts

Digitaria’s annual holiday gag gift exchange was a huge success -- big turnout, some hilarious gifts, from a much-needed supply of whistling Nerf darts, to various types of booze, to NSFW books and costumes, to a cat clock that meows on the hour.

Amidst the choosing and opening of presents, there was one smell in the present pile that was most foul, though no one could identify the cause. Still, when it came my turn, I knew what I was going for: I had been eyeing it the whole time. Someone did a killer wrapping job on it and it looked to be a winner in my book.

But as I picked it up… the smell wafted towards me ever stronger. I immediately thought to myself, “O no… put it down.” But it was too late, I had chosen. Along with being stinky, it was surprisingly heavy and mushy in my hands even before the unwrapping. You probably don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out by now that it was cheese.

And it wasn't just any cheese, either!  This was some “…primo triple crème Brie!”  I thought someone was being a wise guy and I'd received a total white elephant gift; as you can see in the Facebook album, I was not happy with my choice. As I was walking to the trash to deposit my new cheesy present, the PR guy here, Tom, looked over at me, and said “That’s really good cheese! Don’t throw it away!” So I bypassed the trash and took the stinky softy to the refrigerator.

Now after the fact, I see my fault here. I took it to the beverage refrigerator; silly me right? So that everyone can get stinky cheese smell on his or her drinks. And every time they go to drink it. BOOM! STANK! But I returned to my desk thinking nothing of it. Until someone walks by and says “Holy hell does it smell in that fridge! I don’t even want to open it to get a drink anymore.” Oops.

I saw my fault and went to remedy the situation. I didn’t know exactly how I was going to fix this issue though. Maybe saran wrap it until the stench was unrecognizable? Maybe put it in a Tupperware?

I had no idea what I was going to do with it truthfully. I was hoping to ask my buddy and Associate Creative Director, Michael Jackson what to do (he is a secret cheese connoisseur). But I am no cheese man like he is. I buy the standard cheeses at the grocery store. In fact, the pre-sliced kind! Also a big fan of stringed but that’s beside the point. What am I going to do with this elitist cheese!? So I get to the fridge… and the cheese is nowhere to be seen!  Yet the stench remains. I figured someone savvier in the ways of cheese maybe moved it to a “less populated” fridge around the office. I searched to no avail and resorted to sending an email out to Digitaria staff, imploring them to enlighten me on the cheese whereabouts. I mean cheese doesn’t just get up and walk around; I don’t care how moldy it is.

Dear Staff,

Someone already stole my stinky cheese out of the fridge! Sorry for stinking up your beverages. Where did the stinky cheese go?

This is when I learned from the PR guy that it was “…some primo triple crème Brie!! It’s delicious as well as stinky!”… O NO! I gotta find this cheeeeeeese! Within minutes, I receive another email. This email was from Michelle Andrews our receptionist here at Digi. “I threw your cheese away outside and down the street. Do you still want it?!”

WHAT!? NO WAY!? I thought she was pulling my leg; she’s got a sense of humor. So I went up to her desk and said something along the lines of “alright come on, where’d you put it.” I thought it was sort of like a “joke's on me" gag. But no. She is dead serious. It is really in the trash…down the street.
“We gotta get this cheese back. That cheese is sort of a big deal.” Contrary to what our nostrils might say, apparently this cheese was in great shape and definitely worth looking for. Michelle and I decided it would be best to go on a mission and get that cheese back! So we went down to the street and checked in the trash. Michelle said she put it in a box for some reassurance that it wouldn’t be so bad to go digging. When we came to it however, the box was tipped over… there was nothing in the box anymore. So we dug for it. Michelle got in there like a trooper and was moving things aside looking for that stinky thing, but to no avail. It was gone. Someone had seen/smelled the cheese and recognized its appeal and snatched it! We were disappointed about it to say the least. Michelle headed back to the office and I headed to lunch.

Upon arrival back to the office, Michelle is laughing and tells me I have to come look at this email thread going on after my search for the stinky cheese. It’s a picture of Michelle and I digging in the trash by Nic Davison our Director of Web Development. What? How Nic!? HOW?

Long story short, the cheese was never found, and Michelle and I are forever trash diggers. I hope that the cheese will be enjoyed by whoever was wise enough to find it. I will not take stinky cheese for granted ever again.

Michael Zaspel Visual Designer

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